My oldest is 13

I do not like this growing up thing that my children are doing! My oldest turned 13 last month and it makes my heart ache. I remember being her age and it was painful then. I forsee painful times ahead for her as well as myself.

Her close friends do not live near us, she does not get to see them often. I do try and encourage her to call other friends that are closer to us -but she does not. I think she is fearful of rejection since these friends are not besties. Her BFF -IMHO-is not a great person overall -she has a lot of 'problems' -for lack of knowing how to put it. I talk to my oldest about these things -the whole time trying to tread carefully -not be blatant about my feelings for BFF?

The other day she got a call from a friend inviting her to go to the pool. That friend has an older sister that drives! My first thought -no way is my daughter getting in a car driven by a minor! But I had to let that feeling go and trust. Than she ended up staying over night at this friends home and the next day rode again in the car with the minor! I had multiple misgivings about this whole shindig

1) riding in car with a driving minor

2) 5 girls total sleeping over at friend's home -2 of the girls I have never met

3) it started out as going to the pool -be home in a few hours-ended up being dinner and a bonfire-and than a sleepover

4) sleepover did not end until 3:30 the next day! This is a long time to be gone from home for a 13 yo -unplanned?

I don't know if I am being over protective or not protective enough?

Last night I was looking at her facebook friends-a friend she does not know well -a boy-I noticed his profile pic is of him with a handgun! I looked further at his additional profile pics and he has 7 other pics with him and this handgun(not a toy!) In addition under his bio it says "I am straight and I also specialize in gang banging white bitches"
Under political views it says "Obama is Nigg" under religios views it says "Jews are Naggers"

I spoke to dh about it -and he did not say much -so I brought it up with my oldest while dh was there. She immediatley says fine she will unfriend him -I said she does not need to do this at this time-but that she needs to be aware of what he is saying/posting. She told us Mrs. F (a teacher at their school) is friends on FB with him-and if there was something wrong with him she would speak up. Really -have I done enough as a parent -somehow I fell I need to do more where this is concerned?

What I need is a parenting group to bounce these thoughts off of! I particpiated in ECFE classes with all 3 of my children when they were babies until they were 6. Why oh why do they not offer middle school/high school family/child classses?